Going Potty

Have you ever seen the Rowntree's Randoms advert, where a woman asks a passerby for directions, and he responds by speaking gibberish, using completely random words that make no sense when put together?

You know the one, he starts saying things like "No problem monkey biscuits, turn trumpet at the underpants and go ice cream"

That ad jumped into my mind today, when I was out for my lunchtime trot with a dear friend, the mother of a two year old girl. 
My friend and her husband are facing the massive challenge of toilet training a very wilful child, who may not think it's a good idea to stop wearing nappies.

Anyway, we were walking along the street when we had our Rowntree's Randoms moment.  I was thinking about what I should get for the children of another friend, who live in Nicaragua, and who are long overdue for a present from Ireland, when my friend said

"We may have to take the sound chip out of the potty."

What? I asked her.  In my harmless world, this isn't even a sentence, so I assumed I'd misheard her.  She repeated the sentence, and it sounded exactly the same. 
I admitted to her that I had no idea what she was talking about, and she looked at me for a moment. 

"You're right" she told me.  "It would be simpler to just not put the batteries in."

I had to stop walking to concentrate

"Potties don't have sound chips or batteries" I told her, as if I was talking to a moron.  "They're just little plastic piddle vessels"

As usual, I was wrong.

Brace yourself, if you are child free, or if it is many years since you trained your children.  For the humble potty, ladies and gentlemen, has gone high tech.

The one this little girl of my acquaintance has been equipped with, blew my mind.

It looks like a tiny toilet, complete with lid.  Which I was fine with, obviously. 
It is festooned with pictures of Minnie Mouse, of which the child is very fond, in order to encourage her to get involved. The potty is also available in a Mickey Mouse version, less pink, and more boyish I suppose.
It has a lid, and converts into a sturdy stepping stool, which will be very handy when the whole business is successful, for the child to use as a step up to the grown ups toilet. 
It has a detachable insert which fits onto the family toilet, again for when the user is ready to progress the project.
Most mind blowing of all, in my opinion, is the fact that it has a little Minnie Mouse arm out the side, which is used in the same way as a flush handle on the toilets we're more used to.  But instead of flushing away the contents of the potty (and it's a wonder it doesn't) when the child "flushes" the toilet, there is a celebratory round of applause and cheers of congratulations from the potty.

The whole thing is called the "Minnie Mouse Potty System" - which is fair enough.  It is a system, it's not a potty as I know it, certainly.

And of course it's far, far, more attractive than the blue or pink bowls we had as children.

My friend is worried that her daughter will get so used to being cheered and applauded that she will use the potty as a toy, and not as any kind of training aid.

When I was checking that out on Google, I discovered that parents can also buy something called a "Carry Potty" - a mobile potty that folds up into a little case with a handle a child can bring around with them, for emergency calls of nature.

I don't know if I like the idea of that.  All very handy, I'm sure, but I wouldn't like to see a potty being unfolded on the bus, or in the middle of a restaurant.

Potties can be bought with almost any well loved children's character on them, to encourage an allegiance with the item.

In America, my research has revealed that you can buy "Potty Diapers".  Nappies which sound an alarm when they come in contact with the first drops of moisture.
Alarmed nappies.  Now in fairness. 

You can buy a potty that comes with its own roll of toilet paper hanging off it, which would probably be handy, actually.
And there's "Potty Prize Boxes" and "Potty celebration stickers" for the big moments of success.

There's a potty which comes with a stand attached, to hold up the ipad and amuse the child while they're awaiting the big moment.
I'm not making this up, I'm actually putting in a picture to prove that I haven't lost my mind.  It's called the iPotty.

It makes the Minnie Mouse system seem positively pre-historic, in comparison.

An absent minded parent can buy a "Potty Watch" - worn like a wristwatch, it's basically a stopwatch that counts down the seconds and sounds an alarm when it's time to put the child on the potty.

When my friend and I had our conversation today, I thought it was fascinating that there was so much to think about in buying a potty.  Then another friend, who I was telling about the Minnie potty, said she'd start training her child soon.  But she had to go shopping first.

Extra clothes, naturally.  Those Kandoo wipes that a child can use for themselves, possibly some small prizes for successful ventures, a plastic mat to be put on the floor under the potty, a clothes horse for the inevitable extra washing in this manky weather, the list was enormous.

I know I know nothing about this area of life, but I'm astounded at the industry that's built up around potty training.
Am I the only one?